Hey, y'all.
So, the reason I haven't done a medical update the last couple of months is I didn't know what was the best way to say what was going on, and I didn't want to have to write it out. But, I know there are people praying for me and wanting to know what's going on, so I'm going to update everything now in a crazy blob like fashion so I can get people informed. I wont be going through my usual list, though, because whenever I've tried and had to think about each section I got really really upset and just gave up, so enough of my ramblings, here's what's going on.
I think I'm getting worse. The only way I can describe what my body feels like is that it feels like it's dying. The pain's gotten worse, so my base pain level right now is as high as my spikes were and the spikes are unbelievable. I keep loosing my sight from the pain and trying to pass out, so that's no good, my shots are getting more painful and this week is shot week, so that'll be a joy, and I'm getting more intense pain headaches. I'm also shedding weight for some reason, like I've lost almost 30 pounds and I've been eating more and regulating my sleep schedule, but it doesn't seem to be doing anything.
One thing that's improved though, is my attitude and outlook on everything. Today I'm in a lot of pain and not doing horrible well all over, but these past couple of weeks, God's been really working on my heart about being sick. I'll be honest, for a while there I'd given up completely and was kind of waiting for this to kill me so I could have my new body. I was so afraid of the pain getting worse or loosing even more of my mobility that I wouldn't do anything to tip the boat, I tried to stay still and not strain my body to maybe let it heal or something so I could get relief from the pain. Obviously, this was no way to live. So, after a lot of hard heart work, I'm now seeing every day I have where I am as a gift. I could very easily loose my ability to walk completely again, but now I realize that the fear of that happening shouldn't keep me from walking as much as I can today. I'm in chronic pain, have been for years, and everything I do makes the pain somewhat worse, so why should I sit on the couch when I could be out working at VBC?
Long, rambling story short, I'm 99.9% sure that I'm getting worse, but I wont let the fear of that or the pain be my master anymore. Jesus is my master and Lord, every day, no matter how good or bad, is a gift from Him and should be used to glorify His name, no matter how much pain it'll put me in later. He'll get me through the pain, of that I have no doubt, and hopefully my relying on Him will bring Him the praise He deserves.
Have you considered diabetes? If you're already in pain diabetes would make you feel worse, plus your weight loss suggests maybe you're diabetic too. I would really suggest you look into why you're loosing weight. Severe weight loss makes my chronic pain unbelievable. Also I discovered that my pain meds were making me feel really really bad. I don't know what kind of pain meds you're on but I found out that once I got hooked on the narcotics when I came down from a high I immediately started spiking again. I try to use the narcotics as little as possible, not only because they were making me feel worse but because I was really crabby all the time due to my addiction. I weened off the meds and started feeling better, not only the pain but I started feeling better about my life. Just a couple of suggestions to think about.
ReplyDeleteI've never considered diabetes before, no, I just thought I was loosing weight because of the pain or something like that. I'll have to talk to my mom about that for sure, thanks for the tip!
ReplyDeleteAs far as pain meds go, I've stopped taking them for the past week or so because they just weren't helping with the pain and I knew having them in my system couldn't be good for it.
I didn't really notice the pain spikes getting worse after I came down though, it was more like it'd give me a little break and, when they worked, reset me somewhat so I could function again until the spikes came back.
Sadly I had a whole reply to your comment, but it deleted itself. I'll try to remember what I said:
ReplyDeleteIt's a bummer about your painkillers. I have a random question, and I don't know if it will help at all. Were you taking your painkillers consistently and then did you go cold turkey? I've never gone cold turkey before, however I feel that if you did that could contribute to your sudden pain spikes and really severe constant pain. I know someone who went cold turkey from vicodin (and as you probably know vicodin isn't one of the harder narcotics) and it did some really weird things to them. There whole body hurt and they lost muscle control and their vision. Which sort of sounds like your symptoms but not entirely.
Anyway I'm glad I found your site. I was just browsing the web today (I'm sure you do the same when you're in a lot of pain) when I stumbled upon this site (Greatoldthings.blogspot.com you probably know about them, though) and they were following you and the name of your site was intriguing to me. lol I was extremely happy to see the verse in the corner of your blog, so I assume you're a Christian, too?
I was taking them somewhat consistently, like 2 every other day, and then it went to like every third day and eventually I was like "they don't do anything anymore, why I am I taking these stupid pills?!" and off of them I went. I'm thinking maybe if they're out of my system for a while, it can kind of clean itself out and then they'll work again.
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad your found my site too! The blogger on Greatoldthings is one of my dear friends, yeah.
I am indeed, Christian! (http://impalababe.blogspot.com/2010/02/my-love-story.html)
My massage therapist gave me that verse a couple of months ago, and it's been one of my favorites ever since, I've been putting it everywhere I can think to :)