My Love Story

I met the love of my life when I was about 5 years old. Well, I've actually known him all my life, but that's when we started to be friends because we wanted to and not because my parents stuck us together. We had a pretty sweet friendship, a really close one considering my age and all, we'd play a lot and talk. Most of it was me talking to him, but he was happily listened and every once and a while he'd tell me something and it made a lasting impression. Our relationship was a good friendship for many years, we weren't super close, but we weren't strangers either. As the years passed, we started to grow apart and, if I'd actually been paying attention, I would have been wrecked by this, but I was busy with other things and he was the last thing on my mind.

Then some junk happened, about the time I was starting high school if I remember correctly, so I turned to him, begging for help. But I treated like someone he wasn't. Have you ever done that? Treated one person like another? Well, that's what I did here, I put him in the wrong role and got mad at him when he didn't act the way I wanted him to. Cut you out of my life mad. And that's what I tried to do; cut him out of my life completely. But, since he was tight with my family and most of my friends, that was hard. Very hard. Wherever I went he was either there or there was something that reminded me of him.

Eventually I got over the anger of what happened and started to talk to him again. Not gonna lie, it was really weird at first since when I was mad at him I did things for the sole purpose of hurting him. Yeah, it was interesting. He was actually fine with it, though, I was the one who was bothered by it. You see, he loved me and knew this was going to be more than a friendship from the get-go and he didn't care what had happened so long as I was back with him. It was killing him to see me go crazy, to hang out with the wrong crowd and get hurt over and over again. I know he wanted nothing more than to rush in and save me, but I would have just run further away and gotten further out into that life and possibly ended up dead because of it. Yeah, it was getting bad. Anyway, we started talking again and mending out friendship.

Then life came back and I kinda pushed him at the end of my to-do list. In all honesty, I took advantage of the fact that he'd always been there. The way I saw it, he wasn't going anywhere and like was still going, so I could ignore him and then just catch up with him later. No harm, right? Wrong. When I put him, and he influence he had on my life, away I started to get wrapped up in the same old stuff over and over again. I was convinced he'd be steamed and I didn't want to see him mad at me. Whenever I'd seen him before, he had love in his eyes and I couldn't stand to see anger replace that look. So I hid from him and ran when he tried to talk to me. Of course, this hurt our friendship quite a bit. Add to that I was starting to have major feelings for him and you've got quite the problem.

You see, I had always thought of him as a friend that my parents and other friends knew better than I did and that was just kinda there. I should have seen the signs early on. I mean, he wrote me a lot of letters, 66 actually, and in those letters was a ton of poems. Like some seriously amazing poems. One day, I'll never forget this, I was reading over some of the letters and reading some of the poems and it just dawned on me; he loved me. Not like a friend or even a best friend would love you, but like he was head over heals in love with me and did nothing to hide it. I was just blind. Like, I love the rain, love it, and whenever it rained he'd come out with me and dance, laughing when the thunder shook the ground and I made up funny dances for him. He got me flowers. Every way you could show love, he did, I was just completely blind to it.

Well, what was I supposed to do? Here I am, falling in love with a guy who's loved me since I was a kid and I've been blowing him off like crazy for years. How can he still love me after all of that? I'd tired to hurt him, to cut him bone deep, over and over again. For a while I thought he was crazy, any sane guy would have kicked me to the curb by now, right? Well, he didn't. You do crazy things when you're in love, no? So, this knowledge in hand, I started to talk to him more, spend time with him more, and our romance started to grow. And that would be a lovely end to this story, but I am very stupid when it comes to love and soon I put him at the bottom of my list again.

I still loved him and told him I loved him on our date nights (we had one once a week) but I never called him throughout the rest of the week, I didn't read any of his letters, and even on our date nights my mind was normally on other things. Needless to say, I started to go 'bad' again, hanging out with the wrong crowd and getting mad at him for no reason. It felt like our love was dieing and I either didn't care or it killed me, but I didn't do anything for it. I thought he'd be mad. After all this time of knowing him, all the times he'd kept his cool when he should have tore me a new one, I honestly thought he was going to loose it.

So, I spent time with friends that knew him, I talked about him, and kept going to the date nights, but something was missing. I didn't have my heart in it and he knew it, but he knew better than to push me. So, with that crazy patience of his, he waited for me to screw my head on straight. Again. And I'm not gonna lie, not being close to him, feeling the love die, was starting to get to me. A lot. But I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to reach out to him or get those feelings back. But, I knew a lady who had a really good romance going and she really understood me as a person, so I decided that I would talk to her on a mission trip I was going to go on. Maybe she'd be able to help. Well, turns out she wasn't going. Talk about a road block in my plans. So, I decided to work on my romance later, after the trip. Bad idea.

That trip was rough. We got a lot of work done, but it was really difficult on my heart and soul and, in all honesty, I needed him. I needed his embrace and comforting words, but I didn't know how to get to him. I called him, but the conversation was forced and didn't really do any good. I tried writing to him, but that didn't work out either. It was actually a friend I made on the mission trip that helped me and my 'man' get back together.

One night my friend and I got to talking and at the end we called my 'man' and talked to him. After that, I went back to bed and called him up again. Just one on one this time, and started talking to him, really talking to him and it was really good. I could tell the feelings were starting to grow again and I was really excited about it, like really, really excited.

Them, when I got home, things took a bad turn. Again. Something happened that just messed me up and all I could think about was how I had failed him, how I'd ignored him for so long, and tried to hurt him over and over again. It wasn't until my friend from the mission trip got me to talk about it that I started thinking straight. You see, my friend is pretty tight with my man and knew him well. He (my friend) knew that I was being crazy with the way I was thinking about my man and even quoted from the letters he (my man) had written since he (my friend) had read them too. After that I was reading a book that talked about something of what was going on with me, my life, and my romance and at the end I was just hit with this crazy love for him and how much he loved me just washed down on me and I couldn't hold it in any longer. So, I ran to my room and called him up, pouring my heart out to him and writing him a letter at the same time.

Since then we've been bumpy, but we've kinda been that way. Y'all will be happy to know that our love is still strong and even though rough times come along, we get through them and our love grows. We're actually talking about our future together, so that's pretty exciting. He's chasing me (which I love) and I'm chasing him back (which he loves). It's an awesome relationship and I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world.

Now I'm sure you're wanting to know what the name of this guy is (some of you may think you've figured it out) so here it is; Jesus. Yes, I'm talking about the Jesus from the Bible, and yes, everything you just read is true. I can't think of a person who I love more than God and I know for a fact that there's no one who loves me more than He does. If you want to get to know this guy better I'd suggest you read His letter. It wasn't just for me, He wrote it for everyone since He wants this type of relationship with everyone. So, pick up the Bible and just start reading it, I'd suggest the book of John, that talks a lot about the character of Jesus. And, if you want to read more, I suggest Lover of My Soul by Alan D. Wright.

Happy Valentines Day, everyone!!!!!!

(Sorry, the post is late, I was having trouble with my internet)